| Acronym | Meaning |
 | BTSOOM | Beats The Shit Out Of Me |
| BUNDY | But Unfortunately Not Dead Yet |
| BVA | Breathing Valuable Air |
| BWCO | Baby Won't Come Out (needs Caesarian) |
| C&T WARD | Coma Ward - "cabbages And Turnips" |
| C/C | Cancel Christmas (dead) |
| C2 | A "can't C**t"; Lazy Physician Who Passes Off Work To Colleagues And Often Whines |
| CABG | Coronary Artery Bypass Graft (Cabbage) - Heart Bypass |
| CAT6 | Triage Is Cat 1 (major) To Cat 5 (minor) So Cat 6 Means A Timewaster |
| CATS | Cut All To Shit |
| CBT | Chronic Burger/Biscuit Toxicity (obesity) |
| CCFCCP | Coo-coo For Co-Co Puffs (dementia Or Similar) |
| CF | Cockroach Factor - A Patient's Ability To Survive Trauma Or Serious Treatment Is Inversely Proportional To His Contribution To Society. |
| CFD | Call For Dirt (severely Ill Or Dying) |
| CFT | Chronic Food Toxicity I.e. Obesity |
| CFU | Complete(ly) F*ck(ed) Up |
| CHAOS | Chronic Hurts All Over Syndrome (PTSD/Fibromyalgia, Etc.) |
| CHIBLOC | Closed Head Injury, Brief Loss Of Consciousness |
| CIA | Chrome Induced Ischaemia - Patient That Develops Inexplicable Chest Pains When Arrested And Handcuffed |
| CKS | Cute Kid Syndrome |
| CLL | Chronic Low Life |
| CLOMI | Cat Like Observation And Masterful Inactivity (patient Under Observation) |
| COPD | Chronic Old Persons Disease (unwell, No Specific Cause) |
| COSMONAUT | Cat Owner, Smells, Made Of Nuts And Used Tampons ("mad Cat Lady" With Poor Hygiene And Body Odour) |
| CPM | Calcified Penisitis Morbidium - Male Patient Whose Ailment Is Due To Excessive Or Unprotected Sex |
| CRAFT | Can't Remember A Fucking Thing |
| CRI | Cranial-Rectal Insertion Or Cranial-Rectal Inversion (head-up-ass Syndrome) |
| CROACC | Cannot Rule Out Anything, Correlate Clinically |
| CRS | Can't Remember Shit |
| CRT | Can't Really Treat |
| CSD | Chronic Slapping Deficiency - Annoying/unruly Family Members Hitting Nurse's Call Button Every 5 Minutes With Minor Requests/inane Questions Or For Fun |
| CTD | Circling The Drain (Close To Death) |
| CTF | Cletus The Fetus (US). A 23 Week, Or Earlier, Births That Parents Expect To Survive Against All Odds |
| CTS | Cold-tea Sign / Cold Tea Syndrome - Refers To The Several Cups Of Cold Tea On The Bedside Cabinet Beside A Dead Geriatric (i.e. No-one Noticed The Patient Had Died) |
| CTS | Crazier Than Shit |
| CYA | Cover Your Ass; Unnecessary Procedure/prescription Done To Avoid Being Sued |
| D&D | Divorced And Desperate (middle Aged Female Who Visits Doctor Weekly Just For Male Attention) |
| D&D | Death And Donuts (night Shift) |
| DACB | (US) Drunk As Cooter Brown (UK Equivalent Is PAAF/PIAF) |
| DBI | Dirt Bag Index: Number Of Tattoos X Number Of Missing Teeth = Days Since The Patient Last Bathed |
| DENTIST | Doesn't Even Need Treatment - It's Sorted, Truly |
| DF | Dude Factor - Survival Scoring Factor Based On Social Worth. A High Dude Factor = An Individual Of Questionable Social Worth Who Survives Near-fatal Injuries. A Low Dude Factor = Professional Person Who Slips In The Bathroom Sustaining A Fatal Injury |
| DFO | (US) Done Fell Out (anything From Fainting To Cardiac Arrest) |
| DFO | Drunk And Fell Over |
| DFO-SFJ | Done Fell Out - Screaming For Jesus |
| DIDC | Dose Of I Don't Care - Pain-killing Meds That Make Patient Light-headed |
| DIDR | Dose Of I Don't Remember - Pain-killing Meds That Leave Patient Without Memory Of Painful Procedure |
| DIFFC | Dropped In For Friendly Chat (i.e. No Medical Problem) |
| DIIK | Darned If I Know |
| DILF | Doctor I'd Like To F*** (Fornicate With): Nursing Slang For Good-looking Doctor |
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